By Harry Petsanis and Donna McCance
The ego is defined as an individual's sense of self-esteem and self-importance. It’s how you think of yourself, which bleeds into everything you do. You can have a healthy ego, or you can have an unhealthy ego. Most people have an unhealthy ego.
A person’s ego influences almost every thought and choice they make. A person with a healthy ego is open to suggestions, ideas, and different ways of doing things. A person with an unhealthy ego denies logic and reason.
A person with an unhealthy ego gets defensive. They become so entrenched in their own thoughts and ideas, defending their position on just about everything, overtalking, and refusing to accept anything presented to them, even if those ideas provide a better way of doing things.
Highly egotistical people are often extremely insecure. They mask their insecurity by appearing to be overconfident and over knowledgeable. They are inflexible and argumentative. Their portrayal of self-importance is exaggerated, giving them the appearance of being arrogant.
One would hope that the goal of every person would be to find the best way to do something, not to become obsessed with doing things their way regardless of how many times history has shown them that their way is the wrong way.
People deny reason and logic because their ego is in such a heightened emotional state, they will not accept anything that isn’t aligned with their way of doing things.
The best way to change an unhealthy ego is to understand your ego. The ego was identified so that people could get an understanding of their sense of self-esteem. A good level of self-esteem means you have self-respect. You have confidence in your abilities and believe in your self-worth.
Many times, when people point out logic to someone with low self-esteem, they believe in their minds that the person is making them look unintelligent. They twist motives in their minds to suit their insecurities.
We are much more willing to accept physical help than we are to accept psychological help. We look at someone who is trying to help us psychologically as degrading us. You will never know the difference between someone who is trying to help you and someone who is just being judgmental if the first thing you do is get defensive.
When you are immediately defensive, you never hear what someone is telling you and you will immediately begin to distort, twist and change words.
To have a healthy ego, you have to be balanced. You have to have a healthy level of self-esteem, open-mindedness and self-awareness.
Start improving yourself by letting down your defenses, pause, and ask yourself "Is what this person telling me the truth, and does it provide a better way than the way I am doing things?"
A calm mind embraces logic. An overly egotistical, emotional mind rejects it.
When people start getting defensive, while justifying behavior, it actually makes them look worse. Think about the times you got defensive, trying to justify your behavior.
We ask people to help us, but when they try to help us, we get defensive, upset and start looking at them as the ones who are trying to hurt us.
Think about “what’s the worst thing that could go wrong?” They can either be right or wrong. We won’t know that until we hear what people have to say. If we determine what they say may be true as a result of true self-reflection, that is a good thing because we can improve ourselves from that. If we determine that they are wrong about us, that hasn’t caused us any harm either because we have confidence in knowing our true selves and believe in our authenticity, not changing to other's likings.
About the Authors
Harry Petsanis is a philosopher of human nature, mindset specialist, and lifelong fitness and wellness advisor. He is a writer and author, with three published books: “The Truth is A Lie,” “The Logical Path To Life,” and "Knowing Me from A to Z, A Child's Mindset," which he co-authored with Donna McCance, M.Ed.. Harry has a Bachelor’s Degree in Journalism. He has an intense passion for psychology and the human condition.
Donna McCance, M.Ed. is a business administrator, writer, author, licensed teacher and principal/vice principal with over 20 years experience teaching in elementary education and educational leadership. She has a Masters in Education, Masters in Human Services Management, Bachelors in Business Administration and Associates in Business Administration.
Click here to order Harry Petsanis’s books
The Truth is A Lie" and "The Logical Path To Life"
Go to amazon.com/dp/B09PMHXVFN
to order Harry Petsanis's and Donna McCance's newly published book
"Knowing Me From A to Z, A Child's Mindset"
To learn about Harry Petsanis, go to his website