By Harry Petsanis and Donna McCance
Self-esteem is your sense of self. It’s based on how you like yourself, how you value yourself, how you view yourself, and how you believe in yourself. All this affects how you are able to assert yourself, make decisions, and stick to them.
The word “self” in self-esteem is there for a reason. It is your personal identity, how you see yourself, how you determine your worth, and how you see your place in the world. Self-esteem is how you value yourself.
Basing your self-worth on other people’s perceptions, acceptance, and approval of you is not healthy, regardless of whether it’s in your daily interactions with people or your relationships with others.
You can tell how someone feels and thinks about themselves by how they react and handle situations. When you put yourself in a position of constantly relying on others to determine your fate, you doom yourself to becoming helpless when you are on your own. When relationships end, you fall into a downward spiral because you believe you cannot live without the people you have allowed to control your emotions and how you feel about yourself, which controls your life.
Your identity should never be tied to anyone. Many people stay in bad relationships because they don’t want to be alone. The reason they don’t want to be alone is because they lack the confidence of being independent, or they don’t want to look at who they are because they aren’t comfortable with themselves.
When you have low self-esteem, every relationship is going to be bad, even ones that could be good. Everyone has a choice to be in the situations they are in. It’s their life, and should be whatever works for them. People with low self-esteem do not want to let go of people who no longer want to be with them, and their reactions clearly show how poorly they think of themselves.
People will pursue another person with complete disregard for their desires and will display a total lack of pride in themselves. Many times people will quickly jump into rebound relationships simply for the sake of not being alone. The success rate for rebound relationships is very poor.
Most people who have low self-esteem allow themselves to become completely dependent on other people. They rarely make their own decisions, and when they do, they rarely honor them because they think so little of themselves. There’s nothing you can say to a person who is insecure to ease their insecurities.
Have A Conversation With Yourself
If you truly reflect on yourself and recognize you have low self-esteem, it’s entirely up to you to make the choice to conquer it, and you can.
You need to have a serious conversation with yourself. Ask yourself if your opinion of yourself is dependent on anyone else’s opinion. Ask yourself if how you feel about yourself isn’t based on what anyone else feels about you. Ask yourself if what you think about yourself isn’t about what others think about you.
Writing your answers in a journal will help you to identify
and reflect on your answers.
Writing down your thoughts and behaviors is a great way to look at things more clearly. You first need to be completely honest with yourself. This starts with being completely objective. Step out of yourself and try looking at yourself as another person looking at you.
It’s time to take action.
Make a declarative statement, and then live it!
Tell yourself “My opinion of myself isn’t dependent on anyone else. My opinion of myself isn’t based on anyone’s opinion. How I feel about myself isn’t based on what anyone feels about me, and what I think about myself isn’t about what others think about me.”
Self-discipline is a choice. People aren’t undisciplined, they choose to be undisciplined. Discipline yourself not to be dependent on others for your own sense of self-worth. Your life will change forever.
About the Authors
Harry Petsanis is a philosopher of human nature, mindset specialist, and lifelong fitness and wellness advisor. He is a writer and author, with three published books: “The Truth is A Lie,” “The Logical Path To Life,” and "Knowing Me from A to Z, A Child's Mindset," which he co-authored with Donna McCance, M.Ed.. Harry has a Bachelor’s Degree in Journalism. He has an intense passion for psychology and the human condition.
Donna McCance, M.Ed. is a business administrator, writer, author, licensed teacher and principal/vice principal with over 20 years experience teaching in elementary education and educational leadership. She has a Masters in Education, Masters in Human Services Management, Bachelors in Business Administration and Associates in Business Administration.
Click here to order Harry Petsanis’s books
The Truth is A Lie" and "The Logical Path To Life"
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to order Harry Petsanis's and Donna McCance's newly published book
"Knowing Me From A to Z, A Child's Mindset"
To learn about Harry Petsanis, go to his website